Reflections On A Not So Happy International Happiness Day

International Happiness Day 2019: One of the worst days of my life!

So, the irony: The classic crying over the ex, feeling lonely, self-esteem issues and that old mallarky all happened to collide with the supposedly happiest day of the year. But, it got me thinking, I most certainly am not alone in this situation. Partly because it effects everyone in the god dumb world (golly gosh its not all about me... sad realisations), but also Brighton unsurprisingly.

international happiness day reflections 2019 brighton girl

Whilst being an incredibly social place of booze, parties and fun times, it’s an expensive, lonely and sometimes isolating place. The unavoidable truth. That where ever you are there will be evenings, normally for me its 2 or 3 beers in, that I realise how much he broke my heart, how much money I don't have and how much I don't look like Kate Upton.

This is all very pessimistic, but it should be acknowledged. It’s not all hunky dory. That day was a feeling like no other. It was a moment of sitting in a pub toilet and saying to myself: "I don't need him anymore", "I'm doing fine", "Everything is going great". When actually, everything was not fine.

I can't turn it around and make is beautiful and shiny, nor do I and many others have the energy to positive-spin every upset. However, (yes I'm getting to the good bit) the most important part of my 15 minute long shower (sorry housemates), was midway through shaving my Chewbacca-like leggies when I hit the “WOAH, break through”-moment.

I'm not going to die tomorrow * touches wood *. It’s a rather minimalistic approach to life and seems incredibly obvious. But, for some bizarre reason during my passing feeling of what seems like absolute despair I forget. I forget how many people I’ll meet and how many things will change. That raises the question of why I forget I've got a whole lot more life to lead?

Firstly, I questioned - Well… I'm a women, you can look at the news and see women have an expiration date and the blokes don't and they’re meant to be all about facts and shit... poor Lorraine. No wonder I'm in such a rush. Secondly, like many other fabulous women I follow other fabulous women on the internet and by joe, its soul destroying sometimes! Candid women being lovely and its hard to remember these people are equally as moody as me. They just have nice shoes admittedly.

Written by Lena Paul