By you, for you: A guide to me-dates

Me-dates are the ultimate in me-time. A time of rest. A time of acceptance. A time of total loving attention to the most important person in your life: you.

They became a part of my life last year as I was exploring ways to be more kind to myself. Working as an au pair, I decided to take time out from the kindergarten schedule to spend time with me, and only me. Now I have come to realise how important they are in my life.

As a single woman, I felt I did not have the ‘excuse’ to treat myself. It was for those who were in relationships to be showered with adoration, not me. Then I started to wonder... Who said I needed other people to treat me? Couldn’t I do that?

I therefore feel moved to share this idea with you, so that you too may develop a more loving relationship with yourself, above all others.

guide-to-me-dates

Victoria's me-date: "I prefer to save money by cooking for myself. Plus I’m a good cook (95% of the time). And there’s something ‘date like’ about eating by candle light. I love it.”

Me-date ideas

I would first like to revise a common misconception: treating ourselves doesn’t need to be expensive, or sophisticated. Yes, of course, we all like to give ourselves that cute dress we’ve had our eyes on, or a chance to visit our favourite restaurant on an un-birthday.

What I would like to say is that a me-date can simply be a walk in the park, or an afternoon cosied up at home. Whatever form self-care takes for you. Do what you want to do. Not what others would have you do.

Bonnie's me-date: “These Snow Dogs are just so cute! It gives me an opportunity to walk around areas of Brighton that I don't always go to. It's always nice to spend time outdoors as well.”

guide-to-me-dates

Me-date rules

These are simple:

1. No distractions
Just think: would you check your emails halfway through a date-date or excuse yourself briefly to message a friend No. So why do it on a me-date?  The focus is on you. So although the temptation may be high, resist it. And look to you, only you.

2. Speak loving words to yourself
Would you go through a date-date criticising your partner, or picking up on their mistakes (past or present)? No! You want to seduce them, caress their soul, see past all that.

Me-dates are an opportunity to do yourself the same honour. Spend an hour a week speaking kind words to yourself and watch the impact it has on your life. It’s really quite incredible.

guide-to-me-dates

Sammy’s me-date: “I like Cafe Plenty because it is a really relaxing environment to spend some time, whether reading and having lunch by myself or working on my blog. Places with good coffee and good food are a must for me!”

Selfish or selfless?

My dream is to live in a world where there is no guilt attached to taking time for ourselves. Where it is perfectly natural to miss a call because we are on a me-date. Where we don’t jump to our phone’s every beck and call. I believe it would be a better world.

I have found the kinder I have been with myself, the softer I have been to others in turn. I have become more respectful and less impatient. I carry inside a great love for myself which I can now share with others. The fact is: We need to have love to spread love.

And love begins on a me-date. Because love begins with you.

Written by Victoria Hodder.

You can see more of Victoria’s work on her blog here and check out her Instagram for confidence advice and quirky doodles!

Life, WellbeingBrighton Girl